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afraidAnd while I am sailing on my luxury yacht somewhere near mid atlantic ridge, I hear the most irritating sound on earth. The sound of alarm coming off my digital clock. If you really want to hate a particular sound clip, set it as your alarm. Believe me, you will not be disappointed. And I lie still in my bed realizing that my dream to sail around the world remains unfulfilled yet, that my favourite song Dont worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin aka my new alarm, sounds so irritating and that I am again back to this crazy world. It’s still dark outside and I can see those numbers 06:31 AM  glowing in red on my clock. Cursing, I move out from my comforter thinking about the day ahead. The first thing which makes me happy in morning is that ‘thud’ noise, caused by the rolled newspaper hitting the door which opens in balconyReading news from iPad is oh so primitive! Isn’t it?  Can it replace that moment of joy which one gets while holding a cup of hot coffee and fresh smelling roll of newspaper in your hand? Sometimes I feel really feel sorry for generation next. I open the front page and the moment of happiness fades away. By the time I end up scanning the headlines, I am far from being happy. I am  Fearful. I fear for the safety of my family.

Clock is ticking. I have to catch 7:30 am Metro from Huda City Centre. I must hurry. Oh, I have to mail a Powerpoint presentation, which I made few months back, to my friend urgently. I have saved it somewhere but where? Wait, I have 3 laptops, a desktop, iPad, one hard disk drive of 500 GB, 3 or may be 4 pendrives and how can I forget google drive, skydrive and gmail inbox? For the second time after failing to retrieve it from my laptop, I use search option again and enter “sleeve gastrectomy” and get 9 results- “Sleeve gastrectomy1”, “Sleeve gastrectomy WIP”, “Sleeve gastrectomy modified”,  “Sleeve gastrectomy Final” and 5 more of similer kind, leaving me in utter confusion as which one was latest? I have no time, I will find out later. More devices with more memory have helped me to collect enormous amount of information/data/files around me over the years but where is the index? I am fearful. I fear about having too much of information but no indexing of that in my mind.

Today We have scheduled 4 surgeries in operation theatre. As I am scrubbing to perform a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy, a procedure where your gall bladder is taken out through tiny holes in your tummy, my mind wanders off to a recently published report stating that statistically, every surgeon is likely to injure common bile duct, a vital structure nearby, at least once in his life time which is a dreadful complication of this fairly routine procedure. Although I know I will take every precaution, I am fearful. I fear about Complications.

 It had been quite a hectic but satisfying day. 4 uneventful surgeries and last surgery, a Laparoscopic CBD Exploration, took more than usual time and by the time  patients is being shifted out, it’s already 6 00 pm. I go to ward for evening rounds with my team and finishes it by 9 00. So many sick patients. As I am coming out of hospital, I  suddenly realize that I promised my wife to go out for dinner tonight. It will take at least an hour to reach home. I am fearful again. I fear my wife.